That Boy.

He's the only person I can think of, that really, needs to learn something. Everyone knows him as an asshole. But, even knowing this I still care for him. He's a person I want to help. A greater challenge for me. Everyone might hate him, but still. He's been with me for the time, he's someone that I feel, he's crying for help. So, I'm learning everything I can, I want to help him. Even if it causes me the most pain in the world. Everything, I want him to be happy. Finally happy, I want to show him that, even if he's done horrible things, he can still make up for it. I just want him to know, I just want the playful loving caring guy that I know. Even if I know that he's a horrible person, using girls and toying with them. He thinks the only thing he has it to shelter himself from the world. I, personally, I don't want him to go away. I don't want a person I care about suffer by themselves. I can say that. I do. I love him. But never will I be in a relationship with him.
I just wish. He would realize, that somehow, he would be happy. Somehow.
Everyone, you all who know him. He may be an asshole. But I forgive him, because frankly. No one else will.

He's a horrible person.
He's a player.
He toys with girl's hearts.
He causes their heartbreak.
He uses people.
He causes pain.
But.
He's the charming boy I know.
He's my shoulder to cry on.
He's the one to make me laugh, make me smile.
Someone to keep me company in the lonely times.
He's the one I can trust with my secrets
The one I want to help.

My Kenny. The only Kenny. I'll EVER have.

Crap.

I hate it when, just when you think your life has come to a stop for a while. BAM. Hits you right back in the face. That, happened to me today. My ex, he sent me a 9 page text. About how he wants to be friends again even though he thinks I hate him and regret him. Man, I know what I did was wrong, that he never healed himself, I guess since he gave me a second chance before I'll give him a second chance now. I'll be his friend, but never anything more. He stills loves me, but really, I told myself to not love him anymore, and truth is, I don't. But you know, when I read all of that, I started crying. When I got home I cried my eyes and I fell asleep. How pathetic. Oh well. I guess it's okay, because I talked it over with Candice and Peggy and stuff and I know what I gotta do.

On the other hand, I can say that everything else is going very well, I'm done with Star Testing thank god, and Mayfest is tomorrow so hopefully I'll cheer up. But..
My computer is broken. I'm using my mom's computer at the moment and I have to wait until Sunday to try and get a new ocmputer as I've needed one for a LONG time. So I guess it's a good thing, but I REALLY hope I don't lose my Photoshop and Vegas Pro. I got people to hack those for meee ;[ Now I won't have it and I NEED them. Ugh, oh well.

Rambles of the Days

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and. Let's face it, I'm a bitch. Haha. For reals, I'm no nice girl. It's a bit sad, because eveyrone always sees me as innocent. At least for my whole life I've always been pictured that way. I don't particularly like my family, and yeah, I'm a pretty bad influence. Oh well, It's basically how I am and nothings gonna change it. I'm actually just rambling on because I'm so bored and have nothing to do. But.. I WAS supposed to have plans today. But I got cancelled on.

I got sad :[ Now I am very very disappointed. -sigh-

I'm also obsessed with the song. "Doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?" It's Japanese. The song in english is called. Why did I fall in love with you. Sometimes I do wonder why I DID fall for my ex. He was NOTHING to what I needed yet, I still loved him. It's kinda funny, guess what I did made me realize that, he wasn't what I really needed in my life. Well, I've gotten over the past. I've gotten over him. 

I think I'm just in a funky mood today, dunno why. Pretty odd. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I hope. 

Roary Loves You.

I started drawing again. Woopieee. I made a new character named Roary. Roary loves everyone. So you should love Roary. Bow down to Roary! :D CAUSE HE LOVES YOU. -RawR-

Ahh the Love Life.

WOOPIE. Mine is dead. No guy woos me. Pretty sad ain't it? No guy has ever loved me, besides my ex, but he doesn't count. Lol. I wish to be loved? Oh well. Maybe next year things will change. I wanna try to love again. But no one is there, I guess, just wait? :] Maybe the next time around will be a happily ending. I hope so (:

Those Old Days

You know how those days that you just feel like crap? Well, today is my day. Maybe it's my pmsing or some shit but I was in a BAD mood today. I just was. I got so easily annoeyd at my friends today I dunno why. Also, all the time I was inside of Westfield, I thought of Brian. Ew. I really, had a whole emo dark thing going on when I was on the bus and it just felt weird. Like I thought about me and Brian and everythign we've been through and one thoguth stuck in my mind. "He wasn't good enough" and to tell the truth. He wasn't. He didn't know how to heal the broken me, how to ever help ME. He didn't. I always saw the me that loved him, loved every part of him, but now. I know that he was that innocent boy, who used to love me, but really, didn't know how I felt. Our relationship wasn't a true one, and thoguh we knew that we loved each other. So once I broke it apart, everything fell, and for the first time in my life. I had to do something about it. When I got the courage, to talk to him again, he still hadn't recovered. So plain and simple. I still do wonder though. Why guys say they don't need help when you KNOW, they do. Oh well.

Other then that, I have been okay. 

It really is hard for me to like someone too. I'm picky? 

Cwalk

I. Posted two new cwalk videos. You should like, Subscribe to me on youtube. 

youtube.com/user/oCamiiLGSeXo

Cwalk - Callin Me


2 Way Cwalk - Equilibrium

The Exciting Game of Love.

Love. It's a game. A wonder exciting game of chance, hardship, emotions, truth, and physical excitement. Soemtimes I really wonder about it. As in, you might know so many people that go through this process, through what they call this emotion. Althoguh people throw those three words are like crazy. Expressing the way you care about someone. It really is, something remarkable. You know, I think I'm here because I've had lots of hardships, lots of bad moments and memories yet, I am one of the strong ones. One of those people that say, enough is enough, and DO something about it, instead of giving into it. Yeah, I may drink sometimes, but I'm not too bad of a person. People always. Always. Go through so much pain, suffering, hide it from everyone while they put on a fake smile to please everyone around them. Even lie to the ones they love the most. But you know. That guilt, pain, hurt, all those horrible emotions, build up, and one bad thign happens, you break. You shatter, into a million pieces. I've said this so many times, and hopefully. At least one person, one person strong enough to deal with it will say, I won't let this happen to me. They stand on their own two feet, through the harsh pain of rejection. Let's talk about Rejection for awhile.

Rejection. This feeling, that you aren't loved, that you are not good enough fro the person who you want to notice you, notice that you exist in some way and they care for you back. Yet once you realize, that your only hope is gone because they DON'T care, you sink further into your emotions, blaming yourself. This, you continue on it, for a long time, depression may have hit and you, still put on that fake smile for others. Btu you know, you can't live you life, dependant on someoen to save you. You CAN'T be a princess, where everyone will give you everything. It doens't work that way. YOU have to take care of yourself. Only You. Once you learn this, learn to help yourself. Your helpign yourself, become something happier, something you thoguht not possible. 

Let's go off now. Love. Love is a vry mysterious, weird attraction to someone else. So many people sacrifice themselves for others. Just for the sake of Love and Happiness, although to be honest, I HATE IT. I HATE THE WAY PEOPLE HAVE TO THROW AROUND LOVE. The way that you just have to have your hands all over the person, just put them on a pedestal and live for them. Look. I don't hate love or anything but, there has to be a balance, where you are still YOU. Because, you know that over time, maybe things come up and your love falls apart. Then what, you don't have even yourself left. You wallow into depression, rejection. But there is also a lighter side, where when you feel so close to someone, and you care for them, the only thing you want, is their happiness. But always ask yourself before this, do you want to be trapped in the world of this game? Maybe you should, try something else for awhile. Lay off it for some time, because frankly, you have a LOT of time.

I guess I just wanetd to get that outta my system because I know. Love can bite you, hard. Love is blind, you accidentally fall for someone you know you shouldn't or something else. Accidental love. It really is a mystery. I'm single. I'm free. I dont' think abtou him anymore. I don't love any boy. I'm doing fine. So maybe, just maybe, being single and being carefree not in someone's crush or trap, maybe it is a good thing, or maybe, you just want to feel that care again. It isnt' my choice to say what is right and wrong, but this is my opinon.  

Feel free to have comments or anything.

Happy BEECH day.

Yes I love you wifey! HAPPPY BIRTHDAAAAAY <3>

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVELY NOW 15 WIFE :D <3>

I'm really bored. Really weird feeling. So, I was in my first period today and my teacher was being a bit cranky today and I guess I was being too loud or something and he told me that he's had a a bit of enough of me. I felt kinda bad cause usually he's really nice but I guess today he was upset or something.

It's also like, Tomorrow is my best friend's bday and i have nothing to get her T.T, so Imma do a special surprise. I also told Candice the whole story today. She was like 'OH MY FUCKING GOD" yeah. haha. At least she accepts me and everything. I don't think Peggy would handle it so I won't tell her for now. So to close I'll end with some advice to fellow people out there. Also. A Poem.

---------------

People always feel so empty, like no one understands them, as if they are ignored by the world. 
These people, they cry in pain, over the guilts of their life, everything that's screwed up, they've given up. But you know what. Maybe it wasn't that the world gave up on you. Maybe you.
Turned YOUR back on the world. 

-----------------

This is a funny poem my Health teacher had on her page. I wnated to share it with you guys.

Money.

It can buy a house, but not a home.

It can buy a bed, but not sleep.

It can buy a clock, but not time.

It can buy you a book, but not knowledge.

It can buy you a position, but not respect.

It can buy you medicine, but not health.

It can buy you blood, but not life.

It can buy you sex, but not love.

So you see, money isn't everything,

and it often causes pain and suffering.

I tell you this because I am your friend. 

I am your friend, and as your friend,

Iwant to take away all your pain and suffering..

So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.

Cash Only Please. :] <3

Hot and Spicay~

I think imma post up an update evryday, cause I feel like I need to share it. Okays. I guess I can say I'm a bit annoyed at Kristina. I know she's my best friend and all btu sometimes I wanna be JUST MYSELF, like I wanna have MY OWN THING. But unfortunately that isn't really happening as I started cwalking, then she did, she always whined and asked to teach her and it sorta pissed me off. Also I wanetd to join dragonboat for the fun and to get in shape, she wanted to join her dragonboat too, so I'm feeling kind of like, two of a kind. That I'll never have something just for ME, it'll always be shared with her and I really wanted Cwalking to be that thing. Guess not..

What else is up? Happy 420 guys. Go get the high on. Unfortunately I can't cause mom's home and I got no stash. Fuckin sucks dude. Well, smoking is bad for you anyway. I also got so much freaking Health Hw I'm finishing it all today haha, I'm so pro. I also got an essay for English. Ooooh, and and besides school, Yunho. He is SOOOO cute!! I swear to god. He's got cute hair, a super sweet smile and he's just OMG. -fangirl mode- HAHA~ He's so hot too <3>

Comments are Always Appreciated~

Like. An update?

Hey guys, so just an update, I'm kind of back to my normal self again. I do not care for my ex anymore and I'm getting my life back on track. Yesterday I finally got my braces off after almost 3 FUCKING YEARS. My god it feels good and my smile is veryvery happy :] Also, I went out cwalk sessioning with Kristina, I don't know why but when Kristina started cwalking I got a little annoyed. I have no idea, maybe its because I wanted it to be MY thing, not hers, oh well, can't help it. I just wanted it to be something that I did and not her, such a greedy person I am. I am also pretty nub and I really need to practice for me to get betetr at my own style and everything. It's pretty hard btu I won't give up :] Anyways I got retainers too, but they are clear and you can't see them haha. Let's see.. oh! 

TODAY IS FREAKING HOT. I SWEAR. Like 90 DEGREES. UGH! @_@ Weather is pmsing I swear. 

So, beyond yesterday, today I headed over with my dad to UC Berkley and dude, out there it's so awesome :] It's really suburban and everyone gets around on bikes, the campus is really pretty and I got a taste of college. I took some pics and I'll probably put them up on my myspace. I got lunch over there and really, it's a college town, there are stands of stuff, college students and other people up and about. The campus is HUGE. It's like it's own little town it's crazy. Most of the college is lechture halls, classrooms, and auditoriums and stuff. I loved their science/biology building, it's really pretty neat over there, so over the course of the next weekends I think I'm going to check out UC campuses with my dad it'll be Shweeet~ Then maybe I'll figure out what colleges I'll apply to when I'm a senior haha :] 

OH, and GG to our awesome ALHS Dragonboat, BLACK BOAT. You guys did AWESOME I'm so glad that you gave it your all and everything.<3>

Friend's Stolen Phone?

My. God. I am hilarious. My friend lost his phone and this guy is txting me :] Convo went like this.

Him: i hate u
Me: How mean

Him: fuck u

Me: Shure come over

Him: wtf

Me: dats right bish (:

Him: I dont like u u my ho

Me: Your my pimp horray! :D

Him: Fuck yall hatters

Me: So I'm not your ho? D:

Him: u my girl

Me: No thx you too fugly c:

Him: U ugly

Me: at least i can get some unlike you :D

Him: U like me

Me: unfortunately you don't have a penis

-------------

Oh god. I'm so hilarious <3

It's Okay

I was.. content yesterday. Yet now, I'm on the edge of cryign every single moment. My ex, Brian, all I did yesterday was try to help, he shut me out. I also found out. He cried for me, I always thought he didn't, that he got over it, just another thing I didn't appreciate. When I tried so hard to help, even though I know he isn't alright. So now, I'm done. I quit. I'll make myself not care. He doesn't need or want it, he lashed out at me. So now, he won't need me, he doesn't care about me. I wont' care about him anymore. I'll cry, hrut until I get to the point that I won't think about him. I buried his dog tag. I'm throwing away his stuffed animal. He doesn't need me? Then fine, I won't need him. All I wanted was him to be happy. I went nuts.. I cut myself, whispering.."Is he happy.. is he happy yet?" I was going crazy. I finally talked to Jackie, she gave me advice, that from now on I'll take. I'm going to focus on making MYSELF better. I'm always so worried about everyone, what I need to do is heal myself. I'll stay up and hope. I'm gonna stand up, I wont' feel the guilt. I won't care about him, I'm only care fix msyelf from now on because I know that, no one else will. I also kno that, people will accept me, no matter. I think I should txt up michelle. I need the booze. Haha.~

Lost Then Found

Mah first blog, yayz me. Okay so I guess I'll just start right off the bat. 

Ugh, Life's a drama isn't it. So Kenny.. I really dunno what to do about him, at first, I hatedh im, that I wasn't good enough, yet.. there is this nagging feeling that he still cares. I can't shake that feeling that, I should start to love him, even though I know that, he's pretty fucked up. I'm afraid of loving him, as I probably know that he'll never amount to it, and it's pretty much what caused my pain and suffering. So, I'm pretty confused on the whole thing. It really drives me crazy and I think I'll just wait, I won't talk to him. Pretty hrash though, cause I tlaked to him earlier and he said, he still cares about me, that he knows he's fucked up. So.. I'm a bit stuck. Pretty sucky ain't it. I've cried so many fucking times for him its.. its just nuts. I've always been told by him that I'm never good enough, like, why can't i be cute, sexy, or pretty. Well Sorry. I'm only Cammie and it's all i'm EVER gonna be. So too bad. Sometimes I just wanan go cryign to him, becuase I know he will still hold me and tell me I'll be okay. Yet, he does all these things hurting me. I used to be so obsessed with him, and well, it just hurt. So fucking much. Well, that's all the buisness on Him. Now, for the other one. Ugh, well not much is happening between me and my ex, Brian. We're pretty okay as friends so it's going smoothly for that. Unfortunately for me, I have lost the two best guy friends I had. Now I'm pretty lost. Oh well. Haha.

Now, what else is going on, oh yea, I am really looking forward to this Saturday. Hopefully I finally get off my braces and have a nice smile (: Then after I'm heading oevr to Kristina's and get some cwalking in. I really need tons of practice, I didn't practice at ALL today cause I was so tired. I also forgot to do my pushups.. DAMN. LOL I'll do them later tonight. Let's see.. oh, I am really looking forward to DragonBoating during the summer. I REALLY hope I can get in and be able to dragonboat x] It'll be SHWEET. Also I wanna really work on my cwalking, I need to work on my style and everything. Also hopefully, I'll be lookign forward to ending of being a Freshman. Sophamore year HERE I COME. But that's not gonna be for awhile. I'll get through these last 5 weeks of school. Oh, yah kno what I think about. My bro, he's got a blog too, yet his blog is.. kind weird. Oh wells. Hopefully making it to sumemr will calm me down and get through the shit. 

---------------

~Cammie-kins~

Yo Whut up.

Heyo. This be Cammie, you probably... know me? I unno whatever. 

So All I can say is, look at me. I MADE A BLOG. LOL. Now I dont' have to go on myspace to post all the shit. I have a blog now :] Yay me. <3>

For like, more blogs. o_o

---------

~Cammie-kins~