People Say.

I should become a tattoo artist.

Yeah. 

Mmmhmm.

Uhh huuuhh.

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I wanna love him. I'm so impatient. Haha. I'll let these feelings come. Because he's so silly and yummy x3

Come along my hunnies~

Happiness

I'm happy. I'm content. Because. 

I've worked so hard to get here. After every flip. Every wrong thing. 

Yesterday was literally one of the best days of my life. 

The salty water, the stinging in my eyes. It didn't stop me. I kept paddling, I kept going. I paddled my HEART out there, the adrenaline rush. The water, the beat of the drum pounding in my heart, the shouting. EVERYTHING. Was worth it for the feeling. I had fun. We dominated. We came. And We paddled EVERYTHING out there. 

And I was OVERJOYED when we got FIRST PLACE. In B DIVISION. I was Happy. SO happy. 

It takes a lot. To be perfectly content with yourself. And Doug taught me that. 

-------------

But everyone around me is so sad, so depressed. Bored with their life. So I'll sacrifice my happiness for them. Even if they might not realize, how much I care. I won't let them drown. I won't let their depression eat them from the inside out, until there is nothing left.

Because they are my friends. People to laugh with, and people I know in my life. So I will go to their side

Give them and tell them. Everything I have to offer. Everything I could ever say. And Hope, that they would listen to me. And Pick themselves up. And be strong. 

Because it isn't easy. To fix yourself. I admit it is very hard. It is tough. But through everything you can survive. You can live your life, perfectly content. Perfectly happy. 

We'll bring you to victory. One step at a time. 

It's because I care. Because honestly, almost no one does. 

RACE DAY

JUST ATE DINNER WITH MAH FELLAS. I AM SOOO READY. 

BAMBAMBAM GOTTA GET AT LEAST B DIVISION AND GOTTA GET LOTS OF SLEEP. I'M SO PUMPED UP RIGHT NOW OMGOMGOMG. 

COME SEE THE RACE LIKE OMFG.

DOUG KEPT SCREAMING 'SUCK DICK' IN CHINESE IN THE RESTURANT. A CHINESE SEAFOOD RESTURAUNT LMAO. AND HE TOLD 

WE NEED TO TAKE A SHIT TODAY. WHEN WE GET HOME AND LOL YEAH SHURE I DID.

WOOOOOOOOOOOT LETS GO BLACKBOAT. WE ARE 20 WIN AS 1 

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Oh a lighter less happy side. It's his birthday today. Super too lazy to say it so screw it. 

And I was blind. But now I see.

You were never really into me. 

Happy Birthday Hoe(: 

Ya Faggot :D LOL 

DragonBoat+Him

Race Day! ALRIGHT.

So I'm getting pumped up and totally kicking and I am READY FO RACE DAY FOOS. Pre dinner is tomorrow and we gonna have DIM SUM LOL. Whudevers. I looove my uniform too. It's soo purdy and yellow and feels good ;D

Oh yeah. So if you can. GO SEE THE RACE ON SUNDAY AT TREASURE ISLAND. Go Lincoln!~ We rule da HOUSE.  Kick it good and Power it up. Cause everyone else is going DOWN. 

Our coach also sent us a note and stuffs and everyone at school is like READY FO RACE DAY? LOL :D 

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Oh another note. 

He has someone and when I heard, I felt nothing at all. Guess it shows how much I care. I hope for him, to erase the memories of him and I. Because I do not want them either. I notice that, he never understood me. Never. He means nothing to me. Nothing at all. He can do whatever he wants. It is NOT my problem. 

Besides.

I have someone. Someone better. Who understands me, who wants to get to know me. Tells me sweet everythings. His words make me dance with delight, when close, my heart flutters silently. And he told me. The one thing. I never thought I'd hear from anyone. 

"Your not alone. I'll be with you. If you weren't there, I would be alone too"

All my life. One person. Finally knows. Beyond the smile. That little lonely girl. He reached out his hand. And Now I'm taking it. Our hands together. We'll get through it. 

-------------

I Miss You. I just wanna Kiss You. Want You. Learn to Love You.
Although I don't know how to. 
Teach me how. So I can tell you. 
Truthfully that.
I might Love You. 

You told me that. I won't be alone anymore. So Your Mine. 
Let's keep it that way.
91609. Till Forever.

A poem I wrote for fun. 

For some reason, I feel so. Sad? 

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A single strand of thread sews the heart in two.
But neither complete nor broken.
Fading shades of purple and healing. 
Is it because of myself. I am strong.

Take the step toward them, open up.
Embrace, warm and calm, relaxing. 
Heart races fast the closer we are. 
Hand in hand, your fingers fit 
between the spaces of mine.

Whispering quietly, never spoken.
Little words that are said with no meaning.
In my ear, nothing heard but the calm breathing
I know not the taste of you yet. 

Time, does it stand still? 
No I think not, everything moves,
swift motions and graceful feet across the floor

Disapperance.
Where did you go. Because I feel myself
feeling fine without you
able to stand up on my own. 
although feeling alone missing

But Then I find myself with you once again
and my lips curl into a smile, bright. 
Deepening eyes, caring and kind
wide with innocence and wonder. 

The olden memories haunt no more
I look toward the door with open wings
Still unable, those little words.
Not just yet. 

Experience and passion burn
like a dancing flame on a candle
each step gets closer to that goal

I'll teach you the way
show you how to care 
keep dancing, we're not done yet
just me and you not anyone but you. 

Take that step, soft lips
closed eyes, heart beats faster and faster
here we stand as the lights burn out
darkness. protection. 
whisper quietly in the silence 

How long has it been 
not alone anymore 
i do not wish, i have. 
utter the sweet words,
so long forgotten.

Love.

I like Hoops.

They are big and round.

LIKE YOUR VAGINA. 8D

Or possibly a very round and long penis. . hmm.

Well anyways. I am failing physics. Lucky me. And I got lots of homework to do but it the WEEKEND so I'll procrastinate on Sunday. 

Life is treating me pretty okay so I'm thankful for that. 

The last REAL practice of Dragonboat is TOMORROW and Mon. and Wed. we take it pretty lightly. Then on Sunday it's RACE DAY. Oh man, I am SO unprepared for it. But I hope we at least place and get B Division. Everyone is telling me I got hecka buff and tan LOLOL. 

Omg. My slurpee is melting. -slurpslurpitup- 

Ahhh its so dirty. These ppl I knew were just smoking in the park and Mr. Bawlzer ran HELLA fast and caught them. I was like HO shiz. LOL 

So yeh. Off to. . do. Things. Lots. of things. -coughcough- 

Bye. o_o 

91609<3

Skittles and I. 

91609(:

I'll take it slow. Do this carefully.

I hold his hand and he told me. I'm not alone anymore.

So I won't be alone, and I'll be careful, and tend to his caring heart.

We'll be together, and I won't screw this up. 

He's Mine. 

Only Mine. 

I still can't say those words, but I'll learn to. In time. 

Him.

Brian. 

His Birthday is soon. The 26th of September. Ahh. I wish him happy tidings. I hope he's doing well. 

Homecoming is soon. 

Josie asked me to homecoming. I dunno if I'll go. 

Then Skittles said I could go with him if I wanted to. I really don't knows.

Then Mommie asked me to homecoming too. Haha

Who should I choose? 

Maybe some dress shopping sometime soon. Picture Day is so faake. 

I want Skittles. He told me I'm not alone. That I'm special to him. I'll take it slow and carefully. Tender. Then Aaron says he's in love with me. 

What can they possibly see in me. Lol. I miss Crispaul too :( I wanna give him his new nickname. Mango. Sweet and Soft :] Haha. Lovely he is.

Another day of practice tomorrow. Paddle out my feelings. I am ready for Treasure Island. Kinda. Lol. Ahh the sound of the water splashing, the familar pain in my body, I'm left breathless. My arms growing tired from paddling so fast. Ahh Dragonboat how I love it so.

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Just a quickie update since I don't exactly post here too often.  

Mom.

She says to make an effort to talk to my brother.

Get to know him. 

He should talk to me. He doesn't wanna be around me. I mean come on, why should I?

She gives him everything. Why should I give him something else too, he should do one thing for himself. 

So what if he is my brother. We don't talk. He doesn't know me. I don't know him.

I think, it would be fine if it stayed that way.

Just..

FML. Fuck It Hard. 

Cause Life is a Bitch. 

Hey You.

Shut the fuck up.

I'm so sick of this shit. Why aren't we better? Why arent we GOOD. Yeah. No more fucking fooling around. I am tired of it. I'm trying the best I can, and pushing my limits. I work my ASS off for you guys. Do we get anything? We get. DOUG, yelling at us, telling us we SUCK, because frankly we DO. And I am so fucking tired, of barfing in my mouth every practice. Getting dizzy and almost falling off when I'm paddling. . Why don't I just fucking DIE doing what I love. Oh of course. How thoughtless of me. I wonder why. And when I take these words. I mean it bigtime. Yeah. I mean it. I get fucking angry. You don't KNOW how PISSED I have been at least for a month now. I hate how almost none of you guys talk. You don't have ENERGY. BE A FUCKING MAN. AND SUCK IT UP. LIKE I TRY.

Yeah. Me. I'm sensitive. So I blame myself for everything. I take every word to my heart. I'm also pretty fucking stupid. But I've also had some SHIT. So don't give me any bullshit. That you feel hella bad cause your boyfriend dumped you. Or the guy you like, doesn't like you back. Fuck. You don't know. I swear. Some people just don't know ANYTHING. You fucking USE people for yourself? LOSER. Yeah. I've done my fair share of shit, but I don't tell EVERYONE about it do I? NO. I cover up the scars and people make FUN of it. You don't help me, and even if you say. I know. You don't fucking mean that. "Don't Cut Yourself" Your not stopping me are you? Now are you? No. Exactly. But the thing is that I don't even do THAT anymore. They just REMIND me of my stupidity.

So Why. Why aren't you better. Why aren't you stronger. Why are you so annoying. Why dont people want to listen to you. Why are you so stupid. Why are you filthy. Your a loser. A nobody. Who wants to be friends with YOU. Why arent you GOOD enough. Why can't you be like your brother. Why are you dull. Why aren't you smart. Your so greedy. Your always so jealous.  Why are you so sensitive. Why are you retarded. You Whore. Why do you wanna drink. Why do you wanna have sex again. Why do you cut yourself. Why are you doing all this shit. Why are you so fucking stubborn.

Why. Am I Not Enough. 

Thanks.

For being there for me. 

Even though, you may be mean to everyone else, your always nice to me.

You got the best advice. And always know what to say. 

You may be funny, and you always pick on people. Haha. 

You make me smile sometimes, and I want it to stay that way. 

Skittles. <3

From Your darling Sexy (: <3